Today was the first day in the last two weeks that I didn’t cry on my lunch break at work. Well, I guess that’s not entirely true; there were two days I slept in my car for, literally, the entire duration of my lunch break. But that’s not the point.
The point is today I didn’t cry.
I didn’t really notice until I began getting ready for bed. I mean, most people typically go through a mental evaluation of their day before bed, right?
But the more I think about it, the more sense it begins to make.
As a recent college graduate who just moved in with her two youngest siblings (7th grader and a freshman in high school), mom, and step-dad, it makes sense that life would be a bit of a transition right now. But when you add health difficulties, financial insecurity, touchy family dynamics, job dissatisfaction, and the beginning of a Master’s Degree into the mix, you get a highly emotional anxiety-ridden person.
Don’t get me wrong I love my family, in fact being at home is a blessing to me in many ways, especially financially, but going from living independently to now being part of a family unit again has been quite an adjustment.
It’s just that when you picture graduating college, you make big plans and dream up big hopes for the future. You picture yourself in a job you love, making a salary that can hopefully pay off the mountain of debt you’ve acquired getting your education, maybe married or soon to be, and on and on it goes.
You never really dream of being a single, college-degreed debt bomb living at home, working in a job not specifically connected to your field. But the reality is that life doesn’t always work out according to your five to ten year plans. In fact, it rarely does.
But as I pondered the lack of tears accompanying my commute home, I realized that I didn’t cry because I saw an end. A light at the end of the tunnel.
The truth is today I put in my two weeks to a job I’ve only had for three. Now I know there’s probably a lot of judgment towards me and maybe even comments made about the lack of dedication and effort my generation supposedly has towards their careers, etc. But honestly, it doesn’t matter, because at the end of the day I had to make the best decision I could for me and for my place of employment. But again, that’s not the point.
The point is that throughout the storms I’ve weathered over these last few years, I’ve always coped better knowing there was an end in sight. The funny thing about trials and hardships is that we don’t frequently have that option of knowing when a sour season will end. We just know it sucks in the meantime and strive to grasp a purpose or conceptualize a learning to take away from the experience.
But as I lay here tonight mulling this all over, I realize that this is a silly realization because of two things:
- Christ tells us that we WILL face trials and hardships of many kinds (John 16:33), but that He WILL be with us through it all (Isaiah 41:10, Joshua 1:9, Deuteronomy 31:6)
- There is a season for everything; life on earth does not last forever. (Ecclesiastes 3:1, 2 Corinthians 4:18)
So if we as Christians hold prior knowledge that temporary seasons of trials will come, as well as knowing God will be with us every step of the way, why on earth do we fret over it all?
The #1 killer of faith. When we believe we are in control of our lives or doubt that God is in control, we give into the lies that Satan has crafted for our hearts. We give him footholds into distracting us and navigating us off the course God has purposed for us from before we were even born.
But faith, faith is something different. Scripture says that if we have even the faith of a mustard seed, nothing is impossible (Matthew 17:20). Nothing is impossible. Can you imagine what you could do if you believed nothing was impossible??
In the midst of our chaotic, stressful, and less than stellar seasons of life, we are called to trust and have faith in the One who knows and can see the end in sight, even when we can’t. And for a control freak with the default to do things her way, this can be UNBELIEVABLY difficult.
Thankfully there’s grace and forgiveness found in Christ for all my sins, faults, and mishaps. Although, I’m also immensely grateful for friends, family, wine, and chocolate that helps me to get back on track when life knocks me down… ;]
Although I’m sure my fickle heart will reach back out for the reigns of my life again, I’m grateful for the reminder tonight that faith is greater than my fears and that God’s grace covers my doubts and frustrations throughout the tough seasons I face.
Hopefully you are too.